We always ask God why. Why did my aunt die? Why are people starving? Why are their orphans? The questions could go on and on forever. The answer is simple because He is God! God is so big and divine yet we try to understand His work. He knows ALL yet we question His decisions on almost everything. We ask Him to make Himself known to us yet we fail to realize EVERYTHING around us is proclaiming His mighty name. We wake up and forget or just don't feel like loving the Lord. Imagine if He forgot us or forgot to love us. If we truly were living life the way the Lord called us too by loving others more then we love ourselves, there would be no starvation, murder, no rich or poor, no one better than the other, no orphans. Oh the list would go on! We need to get a revelation of this divine love this crazy passion the Lord has for us that He gave us His only son to die for our sins. Everything He has called us to do is to praise Him and to glorify His name. I want to seek His face; I want to glorify His name; I am but a servant an empty vessel for His purpose. If He chooses to us me praise Him, if He doesn't praise Him! He is worthy of our praise, worthy of our life.

I challenge you look at the stars, the trees, the ocean, the earth, just anything and see Gods face in it all. How can their not be a God? I also want to encourage you to read Crazy Love by Francis Chan.

God I'm tired of hearing the same stories over and over. Of hearing the same routine of things. I know you have a will and a plan for everything. I know sometimes you change someone instantly but a majority of the time you take your time perfecting the creations you have spent so long to make. Father I just don't understand sometimes do I ? Look at how you worked in my life, how you had pursued me my entire life, I fell astray from you and you brought me back. But only after some time. All for the glory of your name. Lord I just want to see a change in these peoples lives. Especially in the street kids. The only way they will change is by you Father. You choose to fit me into this equation, you choose to use me and my team. Father I am but an empty vessel, use me to glorify your mighty name. I want to be all I can be in your name, but I want to be humble not proud. I want to be a servant, not complaining. I just want you to mold me into the woman of you I can become. I want to be patient while you work in me something new. Lord thank you for this day and for the breathe I've taken today.

Imagine, if you will, what it would be like to be..

Rejected by your family, looked at as another mouth to feed.

Rejected by your community, looked at as a nuisance.

Rejected by yourself, trashing your body for a mere moment of escape.

Rejected by the world, branded hopeless.

This isn't something that the forgotten kids of Jeffery's Bay have to imagine. This is everyday life for them. These kids are between the ages of 10-18 years old. They are deemed hopeless, people have tried to bring them out of the darkness but they get pulled back in. They are from broken families where most of them have no fathers or they see their fathers abusing their mothers. Abusive nature is nothing but normal here. It's no big deal to go three or four days without food. They'd rather sleep on the streets then sleep at home, some don't even have homes to resort back too. Before we even came they had captured our hearts, since being here we've fallen in love with them. God has put a burden on our hearts to stand in the gap on behalf of these kids. We are asking you the body of Christ to intercede with us. Please consider joining us by fasting and praying on Mondays. These kids are not hopeless, our Father above hasn't given up on them nor should we.

Time is such a funny thing that we never really think about till we want more of it or we want it to pass by quickly. Time is what we have on this earth, time is what we have with the people we love, time is what we have. At this moment in life I would of loved to spend more time with the people I care about most. Thinking about how silly I was growing up I used so much time on my friends and not enough with my family. Where are those friends now, well they are no longer part of my life. Those chapters have been closed. Being here apart of this team I have come to realize that more than anything I wish I had a group of friends like this, supportive, encouraging, and just there for each other like an oddly placed family. Time has for sure flown by way to fast with this special group of people. I wish I had more time to figure out what God had wanted me to learn last semester. I know I learned a lot but to tell what it is exactly I couldn't do. The time I spent with my team was by far precious. The only thing I would have changed was I would have invested more time into each person, I felt like I was so lost and confused (still am) on what God was trying to show me, so caught up in my own world that I didn't focus enough on the people around me. Now God knew what He was doing by placing these people in my life for a certain period of time then taking them away, He knew what values, behaviors, attitudes, and ect. I would have learned from these people. I can praise Him for placing them in my life for this period of time. Time is something I wish I had more of with my beloved Aunt Vicki . She was placed on Hospice around December 20^th 2008 and was told she had 4-6 weeks left to live. She has as of January 13^th 2009 passed away. She was suffering from cancer and had been for a couple of years now. The good thing is she is no longer in pain. Being away from my family during this time is one of the hardest things I've had to do on this trip. Not being able to be there while the whole family was saying their last goodbyes and morning together. I could only pray for my family , it's a lot different when you're an ocean away from the people you love most and can't see them in a time of need. Thinking about the time she had on this earth and how it boiled down to those last moments. What would be going on in your head if you were told you had a matter of weeks, days, hours, mins, or seconds to live. Here in Africa there are people who are dieing daily of HIV/AIDS who know they only have an X amount of time to live. I can't imagine what it's like to know, your time has come to say good bye to the ones you love. Looking back on your life and everything you've done... was it worth it? Was the schooling, hope, jobs, relationships, friends, conversations, money, values, and exedra worth it? Everything you invested your life into worth it? I pray for everyone reading this that it was worth it. The thing I admire most about my aunt is the fact that she knew what was coming and she still had solid faith in God. She believed He was there with her till the end. She had just sent me a package full of ministry supplies ( bible coloring books, story books, crayons, and glue) for the kids at Ithemba. The girls who work at the clinic are praying that the patients who have HIV/AIDS can find that same kind of hope that my Aunt had even though she wasn't healed. Faith and hope that God is still there with them even during these times, and the knowledge that He isn't the one who caused any of this. http://www.stevensandgrass.com/obituaries/tribute.html?urlName=Vickie-Sue--Moles-Charleston-WV-2009&urlID=85010466

Time is what I have here in Jeffery's Bay, time with the people I come in contact with and time doing what God has called me too. I am praying that God can use me and my team during this time, that we can start seeing even the slightest fruit from the last teams that have come through. I believe that God is not giving up on Jbay and nor should we. There are days that are so hard to keep going, to find motivation to keep building relationships with the people around me. With the street kids who after telling me they want to quit smoking glue are high on it a day later, to see them as the beautiful children they are, then change in an instant into a wild barbarian out for vengeances when another kid takes their hat. To know that there's nothing I can do to change them, that God is the only one who can change someone's life with that effect. I want to see these people not relying on us but to rely on God. Yeah at times it will be tough, but to see them push through with Christ's love, knowing He isn't the one who is doing these horrible things to them. I feel the kind of hope we have to offer the world is not a kind of hope that says everything will be easy but a kind of hope that tells truth with love.

As I sit here sipping on my soy chocolate milk, with boxes all around me, heaps of messiness, and The Almost blaring while I'm singing. I can't help but to think this is the beginning of the end. God has ended this chapter in my life and now it's moving on to the next. Next week I will be at summer camp with my youth kids then once I return I plan on driving home. A couple of nights ago I went to the AMB training camp to see my fellow team mates ( in case you don't know Becca, Seth, and Ashley Hall are servant leaders on these high school one month trips). Sitting in the back watching I couldn't help but to feel so proud of them. They were fully taking on the roles of leaders on their trips. They were grabbing each team mate and praying for them, and just being well.. Grown up. The second night I went to go see them it was their last night in Gainesville GA. While all them and their teams were so pumped and excited to go, I was sitting in the back mourning. I was crying like I had just lost them forever. Things will NEVER be the same. I wont get to come in my room at night and talk my head off to Ashley Hall, or have cookie/bubble parties on the balcony. I won't get to see Seth daily and laugh at all his funny jokes. I won't get to eat Becca's cookies (which may make me lose a few ha). I kept thinking of all the "I won't" things instead of seeing what is in store for me and them in the next chapter. Everyday is a growing and learning process for us as humans. Well we have hit our peak with each other, learned what God wanted us to learn from each other. God is choosing to close the chapter and start writing the next. I get to be with Becca and Em next year. Honestly, that's amazing! I'm so blessed that God didn't write them out completely. I get to see Ashley Hall and Seth when I come back for training camp. It's going to be nice… but it will never be the same. I am blessed to have spent the time I have spent with them.

"It's June and you're still here." Those were the words that were uttered over me recently by two of my leaders. I have to say it is nice that I am still here and didn't give up or run away. I never realized till this year that I run away from things when they get bad. Since I was younger ignoring the MAIN problem was always my way around things. Well this internship was the wall I could not run around. I didn't want to let myself, my family, or most importantly my Father down. All those people who told me I was wasting my time here will never understand what I did here, or my relationship with God. I feel like I graduated from AIM ha. It's so refreshing to be out of the office but yet so sad. I will miss the people there so much. They are some solid people with faith like a mountain. People I could still learn from. I have great relationships with some of them and some friendships that will hopefully last a lifetime. I say hopefully because I am tired of having friends that leave just as quickly as they come in my life. Well if there's anything I can say about this year it's that I love the people I am around, and I love how they make me feel. I am running after God and nothing is going to stand in my way.